Monday, January 21, 2008

The Next Big Thing

I'm always having these brilliant ideas that ought to make me rich rich rich, but, being a Gemini, I never follow up on any of them.

This week's big idea is Frozen Leftovers. Think of it: for years college kids and bachelors have gotten by on well-matched meals from the freezer, things like Salisbury steak1 with mashed potatoes and burritos with rice and beans. But that's not what they need. What they need is some variety, some excitement, and some practice for married life. What they need is Frozen Leftovers.

I'm talking about real-life food combinations made easy, of mac'n'cheese with egg rolls and a half-eaten slice of pizza. Of spaghetti and enchiladas with a corn and Doritos medley on the side. Of hot dogs cut up over half a serving of Rice-a-Roni topped with cream gravy and Oreos, served in a stale bread bowl. And there won't be any little compartments on the tray—the directions will read: "Microwave on high until the commercials end and 24 comes back on, stir entire tray together, top with cheese, enjoy. Warning: Pasta may be scorching hot; mashed potatoes may be freezing cold."

Think "Reality TV," but for your mouth. I'm gonna be rich.

1Interestingly, Salisbury in this case is not a place, but a name. The steak was named for its inventor, Dr. J. H. Salisbury (who apparently invented it in an effort to combat diarrhea among Civil War troops). Wikipedia claims that "Salisbury was one of the earliest health food faddists and taught that diet was the main determinant of health. . . . He believed that human dentition demonstrated that humans were meant to eat meat, and sought to limit vegetables, fruit, starches, and fats to one-third of the diet." It also says that "H. L. Mencken reported (in 1945) that the name was used to replace "hamburger steak" during World War I as a political euphemism."


Janssen said...

Are you a 24 fan? I hope for your sake that you are.

Jennifer said...

Just so you know, I am married, and we don't serve leftovers. What an assumption! How about a meal with directions that say
1) Peel back corner of plastic
2) Microwave on high 3-5 minutes
3) Stir
4) Microwave on high 1 minute or until done
5) Remove plastic and stir
6) Eat without smacking
7) Put tray and plastic in trash and fork in dishwasher
8) Thank your wife for buying this for you.