Monday, February 2, 2009

Three Wishes

I've thought a lot about this (A LOT), and I think I'm ready to make my three wishes. I mean, I'm ready to reveal what they would be, in case I ever come across a genie or whatever.

Wish #1:

The power to teleport. That's right. There's a lot of discussion out there in the world about which super powers are the greatest, and it usually comes down to flight or invisibility, but I think teleportation is clearly the best choice. Here's why:

To teleport is to travel. It is to get from here to there without all the getting there getting in the way. It is a time- and money-saving device of unequaled value. Think about it. Why don't more people travel to more places? No, it's not that they're scared; it's that they're poor. Too poor or too uncreative to manage it, at least. Most of the money I would ever spend on traveling would actually be on the getting there, and teleportation would solve that problem. All I'd need was money for food and admissions.

Ah, I know what you're thinking. You're thinking, "And for hotels and stuff." But there you're wrong. The great thing about teleportation is that you never need leave home again. You could teleport to Paris in the morning, see some stuff, and then teleport home to sleep in your own bed. Then teleport back in the morning. Or even better, you could teleport to Paris in the morning, teleport back for lunch if you're short on dough, and teleport back to finish the Louvre. Or you could go to class, teleport to mom's for lunch, and teleport back for class again. You can teleport home to change clothes when you're under or overdressed, and you never have to worry about wearing warm shoes when it's cold if you want to be wearing cute shoes once you're inside.

Actually, you never have to carry another piece of luggage again. Imagine traveling without luggage. (Isn't that how Europeans do it anyway?)

Now, a lot of people would like to place limits on teleportation—distance limits or clothing limits or only-places-you've-been-before limits. That's fine. Add any limit to teleportation and add a comparable limit to flying and invisibility (which obviously have some serious limits built in already), and I'll still pick teleportation every time.

First wish down. Tomorrow: wish #2.


Gillz said...

Question. If you are touching someone else when you teleport, do they come with you? Because that would be lame to do all of this on your own....I mean, eventually you are going to see something really cool that you want to share and then you'll want someone to come with. But if he/she had to buy a plane ticket and you didn't.....that isn't fair.

But then, if you teleported from, say, a Tokyo subway during rush hour, you could be pulling somewhere between ten and fifty small, packed in Japanese people with you because their elbows, knees, backsides, or hips are all somehow touching yours. Complicated, man.

Or what happens if you teleport on top of somebody and your atoms get welded together and you can't get unstuck? Or what happens if you accidentally start teleporting in your sleep? You could wake up in an ocean. Or what if when you get old and senile you lose control of your teleporting power and you can't stop drifting through places aimlessly?

I don't know. It sounds real complicated. Plus, I love car rides and road trips. Nothing pleases me more than setting out on the open road with a backseat full of clothes and sleeping bags and snacks.

I would much rather be able to move things with my mind.

Janssen said...

Well, you've convinced me!

Jennifer said...

Surely there is a teleport "waiting room" as it were, where you could observe your destination for a couple of minutes before you appear, thus choosing the timing and location more accurately. No atom-welding.

I always think my wish would be to stop and start time. No alarm clocks, no rushing, no missing a show, leaving the room to fart or what have you with nobody the wiser. Oh, wait, they already made that movie - "Click". Well, I thought it up in high school.

Sarah Louise said...

I read some science article a few years ago--maybe 5? maybe 10? maybe 28?--that was saying blah blah blah, oh, and by the way, scientists in [foreign country] have just had what looks to be success in teleporting the first [atom/electron/nano-thing] ever.

What? WHAT? WHAT?????

I don't talk about it much to other people for fear they'll think I'm crazy, like I didn't read it, like I saw an angel or something. But I did read it. And though I don't usually talk about it (somehow I feel like not talking about it (1) keeps the memory pristine and intact and, therefore, more real, and (2) gives me some leg up in the world), I have a secret, private, personal knowledge that someday, sooner than later, the world is going to be rocked.

Felicity said...

Not a comment on wishes, per say, but if I could have one super power it would absolutely be teleporting. I couldn't agree more.